1. |
Old Fashioned Christmas
04:01
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Old Fashioned Christmas
I guess it’s almost time for Christmas
And I should be filled with Yuletide cheer
But it’s the first time that I won’t be coming home,
Gonna spend it all alone
Making zoom calls on the phone
Santa could you stop by my apartment
I sure could use some Christmas cheer
And in this corner of the city
There’s another man who
Needs some saving too
I tell ya, what’s a guy to do
I want an old fashioned Christmas time this year
If I’m away for too much longer
I’ll spend December going bonkers
Make me an old fashioned Christmas this year
I can’t believe this Christmas Eve
I can’t be with my family
I never used to cry on Christmas
Just took for granted all the gifts I used to get
But now the universe is spinning upside down
And I can’t back to you
What’s an old reindeer to do
I want an old fashioned Christmas time this year
If I’m away for too much longer
I’ll spend December going bonkers
Make me an old fashioned Christmas this year
I can’t believe this Christmas Eve
I can’t be with my family
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2. |
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Ever since we got back from that trip
It’s becoming clear our love’s a sinking battleship
We’ve been together now for long enough
We suffered through Thanksgiving, there’s still room for one more bluff
Oh sure I
I know it may be awkward spending Christmas there
But I guess it will be better than just spending it alone
so if you
Don’t tell my parents
I won’t tell your parents that
It’s my last Christmas with you
I wish we could just find a better way
But splitting up is tricky during Yuletide holiday
Christmas morn' will never be the same
When Santa brings the gifts there won’t be any with your name
Oh sure I
know it might be awkward spending Christmas there
But I guess it will be better than just spending it alone
We only have to get along for two more days
And after that we'll go our separate ways
And if you don’t tell my parents…..
How can you expect me to come clean
If we couldn’t get it done by halloween
Hey Mr Santa Clause please help me to believe
That we’ll finally break it off by New Years Eve
And if you don’t tell my parents...
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3. |
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(Doin’ The) Dishes for Christmas
We’ve been in this house together
For nearly the whole year
No vacations or shows with friends
Or parties over here
So let’s make this one special
This Christmas us alone
At the very least we can cook a feast
As quarantine as shown
Pre heat the oven to 350
Go down to the basement
Grab the 15-inch roaster
And the rack and the baster
Pull out some bowls for mixing
Stirring, whisking, and folding
And a spatula for scraping
Not the kind for flipping
We’ll eat like good King Wenceslas
If we cook with everything we got
Looks like we’re...
Doing the dishes for Christmas (endless dishes)
Doin’ the dishes again (and again and again)
Heat up the two-quart saucepan
And the ten-quart stock pot
Fill the double boiler
Add the candy thermometer
Use a wooden and a slotted spoon
A masher and ladle
Slice with a chef and serrated knife
A cutting board ain’t this the life
We’ll make some figgy pudding
Is there a bundt cake pan in this house?
Looks like we’re...
Doing the dishes for Christmas (endless dishes)
Doin’ the dishes again (and again and again)
Dear Santa,
If I could get just one thing this year
A 24-inch top control
Dishwasher with a stainless-steel door
Sensor wash and rinse and hold
Delay start, delicate, and high temp wash
And Santa could it be installed
By December 25th
So we’re not
Doing the dishes for Christmas (Endless dishes)
Doin’ the dishes again (And again and again and again)
Don’t want to be doing the dishes for Christmas (Endless dishes)
Doin’ the dishes again
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4. |
Quarantine Christmas
03:22
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Quarantine Christmas
Well I was thinking through my Christmas plans
I got a family full of people I would not describe as fans
(quarantine Christmas)
And I was thinking maybe just this year
I have an explanation for a sort of staycation my dear
Will I still get some presents if I’m not in attendance, Christmas comes just once a year
Will I still get some presents it’s not a prison sentence
UPS delivers here
(USPS too, but not FedEx)
I’ll understand you if the answer’s no
I will confess I want a yes don’t mean to press hey HO HO HO
Hey, we finally got a little snow
I’m thinking of my family and thinking that I won’t go
(quarantine Christmas)
Maybe I’ll stay at home and drink some wine
A little sip of this and drink of that a chug or two is fine
(let’s quarantine Christmas)
Hey will I still get presents if I’m not in attendance, xmas comes just once a year
Will I still get presents if you don’t have my presence
UPS delivers here
(USPS too, but not FedEx)
Let’s quarantine xmas or scatting or whatever you like out
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5. |
Bells of St. Ignatius
03:58
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6. |
Jolly Old St. Nicholas
02:25
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Jolly Old St. Nicholas
Hey kids
I know these days are super weird
But I’m here
Today to let know
There’s a man way upstairs who’s gonna
Make big improvements for us all
I call him by the name of Christopher H. Kringle
He’s just a phone call away
Just call him up and say…
Jolly old Saint Nicholas,
Lean your ear this way!
Don't you tell a single soul
What I'm going to say:
Christmas Eve is coming soon;
Now, you dear old man
Whisper what you'll bring to me;
Tell me if you can.
When the clock is striking twelve,
When I'm fast asleep
Down the chimney, broad and black,
With your pack you'll creep
All the stockings you will find
Hanging in a row
Mine will be the longest one,
I bet you already know
Joe would like a pair of pants
Ken just wants caffeine
Nate #2 wants another dance
Purple, orange and green
Now I think I'll leave for you
What to give the rest
Choose for me, dear Santa Claus;
I know you’re the best
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7. |
You're Off The List
03:18
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You're Off the List
You've been mean to your mom and dad
And you don't even care
Drank their liquor in the basement
While they were still upstairs
And then last summer
You pushed your little sister off the pier
Guess who's thinking of you
Now that it's the happiest time of year
You're off the list
You're off the list
He's checking it twice
And he hasn't missed
You've been awfully bad not good
St Nick's gonna skip your neighborhood
That's right Santa's pissed
(Yeah Santa's pissed)
You're off the list
Your roommates did your dishes
Because you said you were tired
You made the shoppers wait in line
When your coupons were expired
You spent your Sundays laughing in church
Then rooting for the Bears
Now you get special treatment
From a man way up north somewhere
Chorus
Chorus
You forgot to hang your coat up
You left the lid up and then
You didn't vote, said what's the point
Let’s not do that again
You drank all of the egg nog
And didn't chip in for beer
Well guess who didn't forget
Now that christmas time is here
Chorus
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8. |
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9. |
Christmas Disaster
03:40
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Christmas Disaster
It’s xmas, oh it’s xmas
I’ve been dropping hints all year
I thought that I made it clear
It’s xmas oh it’s xmas
Gifts have all been unwrapped
I feel like I’ve just been slapped
<chorus>
I’m trying to seem nonchalant
But I did not get what I want
Oooh oooh ooh
It’s xmas oh it’s xmas
I’ve heard that it can be hard
This holiday disregard
It’s xmas, oh it’s xmas
If it’s better to give than to receive
Then why do I want to leave?
I’m trying to seem nonchalant
But I did not get what I want
Oohs
Jingle Bells
And something Smells
This holiday, laid an egg
Jingle Bells
I feel like hell
Some eggnogs with nutmeg
Jingle Bells
And something Smells
This holiday, laid an egg
Jingle Bells
I feel like hell
Some more eggnogs with nutmeg
I’m trying to seem nonchalant
But I did not get what I want
Ooh
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10. |
Away In a Manger
03:13
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Away In a Manger
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
That little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head
The stars in the sky looked down where He lay
But little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hay
Hey!
The cattle are lowing, the poor Baby awakes
But little Lord Jesus, no crying He makes
I love Thee, Lord Jesus, look down from the sky
And stay by my cradle till morning is nigh
Nigh!
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11. |
Christmas at the Bar
03:53
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Christmas at the Bar
Snowflakes over here
Proud boys over there
I’m sick of all the politics so let me tell you where
I’ll go spend Christmas
Christmas at the bar
There’s one a couple blocks from here
Don’t even need a Car
No I’m not driving
I don’t want to hear about your favorite memes
Stick your head in a bucket of shaving cream
I’m spending Christmas
Christmas at the bar
My aunt Sheila won’t go get her kids a vaccine
My trump supporting Brother had too much caffeine
There’s 37 relatives that just don’t agree
And every single one of them has cornered me
Santa can I kindly get a lift out of here
I promise that I’ll be a perfect angel all year
Drop me in a place where I don’t have to pretend
Just give me a dry martini and I’ll wait for the end
Racists over there
Cancel culture over here
Stuff your precious values in a bottle of beer
And go spend Christmas
Christmas at the bar
Here in Wisconsin there’s never one very far
I’m so sick of my relatives that I could spit
Stick head in a bucket of shaving cream
I’m spending Christmas,
Christmas at the bar
Snowflakes over here
Proud boys over there
I’m sick of all the politics so let me tell you where
I’m spending Christmas, Christmas at the bar
Won’t you come unwrap another whisky shot with me
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Waylan St Palan & The Magic Elves Madison, Wisconsin
Making Christmas music tolerable since 2001. Enjoy responsibly.
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